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Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in
Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one Ranger
turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?"
The other one replied, "I don't know."
So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it
wrong it will get dismissed."
The second Ranger said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him
again when he gets to Waco?"
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during
a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-
called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you
have a locker room in the police station - a room where you
change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers
with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker
in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex,
and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that
A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than
the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides
to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a
ticket. So, he asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies. Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred," the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that
he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nut
case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time.
So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got
older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college,
medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree, so I was
Fred Dingaling, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got
my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. I got bored doing
dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD.
So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out
about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD
with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS
because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as
Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now
I'm just Fred."
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it.
Oh yes dear, what happened ?
I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?
Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off.
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns,
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit
when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of
his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again;
even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third
time, at an even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail,
he discovered three traffic tickets:
Each for not wearing a seat belt!
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