Police jokes

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A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blows, the thing shows: positive. He protests, cries he is a teetotaler and that the instrument isn't working properly. He says his wife is also a teetotaler. She blows- again positive. Then he gives it to their little kid on the backseat- also positive! The ashamed policeman lets them go. They take off and the man says to his wife:
- And you kept telling me: don't give the kid any alcohol, don't give the kid any alcohol!!

Rating: 4.2 |

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

Caller: Hi, is this the police?

Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?

Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to
cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Rating: 1.0 |

The sheriff of a small town was also the town's
veterinarian.

One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An
agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a
vet?" the wife asked.

"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth
open, and there's a burglar in it."

Rating: 1.8 |

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't
getting many. Then he discovered the problem-a 10-year old boy was
standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP
AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with
a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.

Rating: 4.6 |

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Rating: 3.0 |

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